Unforgiven…

I have an old friend who decided years ago to stop talking to me. We had a falling out, said things we didn’t mean, and unforgiveness set in… not on my part, but on the part of my friend. I tried several times to reconcile, to make things right. And it saddens me to this day that this person was hard towards me and unwilling to reconcile. Its really hard when friendships end. And sometimes, despite your most sincere efforts, people close to you in life will stubbornly with hold forgiveness from you. Many friendships do end. But some end like a break up. Someone one minute is an active part of your life, and the next you are cut off without hope for closure or reconciliation.

Has anyone else been in this situation? And if so, how have you delt with it? 5 years later, the reality of my own situation still causes me pain.

At first, I mourned the loss. But not long after this forced divide, my life started to change in signifigant ways. I am not quite sure this old friend of mine would even recognize me today. Its been close to 5 years since we’ve spoken. But regardless of the time passed, the experiences missed, and the love lost, I still think of this friend with fondness and wonder, if ever, we may rekindle our friendship.

Maybe so, maybe never. But tonight, I wonder what if.

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6 thoughts on “Unforgiven…

  1. Danielle says:

    I too feel your pain! I had a childhood friend who I am no longer in contact with. For 12 years we were the best of friends. I think of her so often and when I go visit home I’m always hoping I’ll run into her. We were moving in two very different directions and I couldn’t budge. I believe we both understood each other, at least I think so. And though there was never a fight, things were never the same after that.

    I ran into her a few times in college and she was set in her lifestyle. To this day I have no idea where she is, or what she is doing? I invited her to my wedding almost 2 years ago, I sent the invite to her parents house… I never heard a peep. Part of me believed that I would at least get a card in the mail or maybe she would show up. I hoped but it never happened. I honestly pray that we will come into each other’s lives again in a way only God can plan. I pray for her when I think about her or when I think of all the memories….. it’s hard, like mourning a loss.

    Have you ever watched the Fox and the Hound? I know it sounds really silly but, I cry just thinking about the movie or even seeing the commercials. Every time I watch, or think, about the Fox and the Hound story it brings me to tears because the Fox and the Hound can never truly be friends again, especially in the same way they were. How sad!!!! So I’m a softy for Disney but this one, this story hit it spot on for me.

    I pray you and that you and your long lost friend will be able to reconcile, someday in God’s perfect will, and be able to reconnect. God bless and thanks for sharing Annie Laurie!!!

  2. Momma says:

    This is what I think you should do. Find out this person’s address (or send (in care of) to their Mom–you still know that address?) and mail them this post from your blog. Print this and put it in the perfect card—if not the right message, then maybe a picture on the front that you think would make them think about the both of you and happier times.
    How long since you tried to contact them? Maybe with time the hurt feelings have diminished somewhat. If not and you do not hear from them, you can still say what you want to say and know that you tried.

  3. amy says:

    New to your blog but have to be honest. I had the same thing happen and its was horrible. It controlled my mind and I was sooo sad for so long. I had to eventually give to God and not take it back. It took a few years but my friends contacted me and we communicated and our friendship has been restored

  4. Holly says:

    Wow I’m going through the same thing right now! I have a friend who has basically divorced me for no spoken reason. Just one day stopped returning calls, emails, letters, anything! I thought I was alone in this and no one else had ever experienced this. i feel so totally helpless in the situation, but all I can do is pray for her and pray that one day she returns to Christ to accept his grace and that at that time she understands my desire to still be her friend and to come along side her as her friend, but until that time I just pray in deep deep sadness 😦

  5. Keith says:

    Yes, I was also involved in a situation like similar to this. The difference, however, was that I was the one to blame. It has been so long ago since it happened that I don’t remember the details. In the past, I have been very successful at shutting people out after an argument or when I felt I had been wronged in some way. After thinking about this, I realized that I did this in order to keep from feeling hurt. I have never been good at dealing with my emotions so I would bottle them up, I would push people away.

    I once did this to a girl that I was very close to. We had an amazing friendship. In many ways, I was completely dependant on her. I don’t remember what exactly happened, but I pushed her away. I disappeared for a long time.

    We went several years without talking. I would imagine that it was at least 5 years. I had moved away and she too. I wasn’t sure where she was, but it wouldn’t have been too hard to find her. I dearly missed her and wanted to reestablish our friendship even though I had seemingly ended the friendship, which was the most important in my life.

    It was my junior year of college and I began to think about her a lot. I prayed to God that he would give me the courage to get into contact with her again. I also prayed that he would give her the understanding to forgive me for what I had done.

    I called her and had the most amazing conversation. We had several years to catch up on, but it was like we just spoken the day before and nothing had happened. I apologized to her and our friendship was back.

    It happened at the perfect time. God has a way to cause things to happen when they need to happen. Just a few months later Americans suffered through the most tragic event of our history since December 7th 1941. We had a few months to grow close again and learn some amazing new things about each other. She came to visit my family and I in New York, where she and I learned that we should probably stay on the “big streets” of late night Manhattan. However, tragedy struck the following fall. A jet slammed into the Pentagon killing hundreds of people. She worked in Washington and I was trying to get in touch with her. It took two day, but I was finally able to get through to her. I went down there to visit her about two weeks later.

    I believe that our reconnection was all a part of God’s plan. Since then I have seen her change jobs, participate in some amazing mission trips, and get married. The whole marriage thing was interesting for me. I rarely approved of her boyfriends when we were growing up, but when I met the man who was going to be her husband I knew he was the one.

    She is an amazing woman with an amazing life and the perfect husband to experience both God and life with. I hope that your friendship with this person can be mended at some point because I look back and think about all of the many amazing things that I would have missed had I not prayed to God, swallowed my pride and made that phone call to reconnect with her.

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