At one of my unexpected social outings, a brunch where I ate more than I should (shocker) I noticed a woman who I hadn’t seen in a while who had appeared to have lost some weight. She looked great. And I also noticed that she wasn’t eating brunch.  I thought to myself, that is so hard to do, she sure is disciplined.  But really, its unreasonable to think that you must go through life not eating at parties in order to lose and maintain a healthy weight.  (cue the commercials for weight watchers now). Nothing profound to say about that, just that I’ve been there and I have mad respect for the woman who resisted.  I ate her share and mine too.

But is white knuckled resistance the same thing as discipline?  I am good at white knuckled resistance. I have white knuckled my way through alot of things in my life, not just food related things, work related things, relational things, even spiritual things…  yet a truly disciplined lifestyle continues to elude me.

One thing I’ve noticed when I want to make a change or become more disciplined, not just in terms of weight loss but in any new habit, it seems that I always get to a point where its “too hard to change” meaning that I would rather “eat, drink and be merry” rather than “work hard and sacrifice” because the pay-off of the latter seems light years away. Or in other words, I can’t imagine “holding on for dear life that long” to realize the change I desire.  But “holding on” assumes that you will eventually “let go” and when you let go, you usually fall.  And the cycle begins again. This can’t be the true fruit of discipline.

But then today I saw a quote that got my attention:

“Would you rather live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret?”

Wow. This hits home. I’ve already started the year off with more regrets than I care to admit here publicly. And my justification for “delaying the start of my new disciplined lifestyle” was that it was too hard, in a sense, too painful, for whatever reason. Excuses like being up all night with a sick baby justifies eating chocolate at 2 am, or skipping my morning time of prayer and bible reading, or blowing off the gym because I am tired from a sleepless night.

I regret, REALLY regret, letting life’s unexpected twists and turns keep me living in a state of defeat. I regret that I haven’t submitted to discipline. I fear that one day I will no longer have a choice in the matter and will be forced to become disciplined in some areas due to consequences of avoidance. Then I read this quote again:

“Would you rather live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret?”

My answer: I don’t want to experience pain, at all. For any reason. Ever.

And even as I type this, it occurs to me that perhaps the reason why I have not realized a truly disciplined lifestyle (ever!!) is because discipline hurts.  And I don’t like pain. You know what else hurts? The truth.  But the truth also sets us free.  Free from what? Bondage perhaps? Hmmm.

So in order to really experience freedom from the temptations that hold me captive and prevent me from living the disciplined lifestyle I desire to live, I must experience pain.

My problem, then, is not with discipline.  My problem is with pain.

Can anyone relate? Have any of you learned to embrace pain to get what you want?

Some people have no choice. Pain enters into life and there is no choice.  On the other hand, I am wondering if some of us are invited to choose pain in order to receive something greater, in a road less traveled sense?  Don’t read this as me invalidating other people’s pain.  I realize that’s something else entirely.  I am just stream of consciousness processing a concept that perhaps in this season of life I am being invited to embrace pain in order to achieve something far greater.

Maybe my “one word” should have been pain, proactive pain, pruning pain, that produces good and starves evil.

Maybe I need to choose pain before pain chooses me?

I’m not sure I did a very good job writing blog posts about courage last year; but as I look back over the year I do see glimpses of courage amidst all the major life changes that took place.

My husband stepped into full-time ministry taking a job at our church. This was a courageous move for both of us because of the significant pay cut that comes with a transition like that.  I’ve heard people say that if following your dreams means you make less money you are unlikely to miss the money you lose.  In our case, that has been 100% true. Stepping into ministry has been a huge blessing for Brian and I have enjoyed watching him grow into his new role.

Then, God blessed us with our first child.  If becoming parents isn’t an act of courage I don’t know what is!  I feel like I was pregnant ALL YEAR, and when you look at the months I kind of was.  I conceived in January 2011 and gave birth in October 2011.  In my world we like to “round up” so yeah I was pregnant for a year.  Its kinda scary to be pregnant for the first time.  You have a human being INSIDE you and its your job to make sure your body is as healthy as possible for the child to grow and eventually come out.  And lets face it, the literal “coming out” part is REALLY scary the first time you do it.  Thank God for giving me courage to carry and deliver a child.

Another huge step of courage is one that I have not really blogged about yet… I plan to go more in-depth about it in the future but for now let me just say that the biggest “leap of faith” requiring courage for me personally was quitting my job.  Through a long series of events including much prayer, scripture reading and discussion with our godly counsel, Brian and I decided that I would stop working full-time after LucyKate was born.  I am still working, just not in the same job.  Ill be working part-time in a different job but still working at my church. My job as communications director was a big one that came with a great deal of responsibility and I knew that I couldn’t do both my job as a communications director and a mom and do both well.  I am not saying all women should follow my lead, I am just saying that for me there as no way I could do both well.  One would have suffered and I knew in my gut that choosing to put my new baby girl first for this season of life was the right decision for our family.  This was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made.  I love my job. I had an amazing boss and I adored the team that I led.  Not to mention, Ive worked in this field for nearly 15 years and was finally in my “sweet spot” professionally. Courage definitely played a significant role in my life during this season of professional transition.

Finally, our theme of courage rounded out 2011 as we rented our 1 bedroom condo that we own and moved 20 miles west into the real suburbs.  When you live in DC, you consider anything across the river the suburbs.  But when you live across the river, you still feel like you are in the city if you live in or just outside of “the beltway.” Well, after 5 years living in the District, we moved to Tysons in 2005 and lived there for 6 years.  So after 11 years of essentially living IN the city, we now live in Leesburg, which to me is the country.  I know its not *really* the “country” but the change has felt like that for me.  Although there was no way we would’ve lasted long in a one bedroom as a family of three; I have still really struggled with “letting go” of our old place.  It truly was a “home” to me.  Its the longest I have ever lived in one house.  It was the first “house” (condo) that I ever owned.  Its where we started out as husband and wife.  We have so many great memories in that place.  Its hard to let go of that. On the other hand, our new apartment we are renting in Leesburg is AH-MA-ZING and the best possible living arrangement we could have asked for given our budget and circumstances.  Brian’s commute is practically non-existent.  We live in a cute little town center and can walk to shops, restaurants, a bowling alley, a movie theater, and our new gym.  Which by the way, we both said goodbye to Gold’s Gym where I had been a member for 10 years and Brian had been a member for 15 years, to join LA Fitness which is the gym within walking distance of our place. Random side fact but still worth sharing.

Needless to say LOTS and LOTS of change on all levels this year. And you have to have COURAGE to face the music and make changes.  Despite all the courage talk, unfortunately my body had had enough change by the end of the year and in December I came down with shingles.  Shingles is basically chicken pox  reactivated.  When you get chicken pox the virus remains in your nerve beds and when your body endures physical stress to the point of weakening your immune system, the virus can “break through” and it re-emerges as shingles.  Thankfully we caught it early enough and I started taking the anti-viral within the first few days of the outbreak which contained the spread of the actual rash.  And, PTL, LucyKate did not “catch” the virus (which would have emerged as chicken pox in her, you can’t catch shingles, you can only catch chicken pox). In any event, shingles is impervious to courage and ravaged my right eye, forehead and scalp.  The rash is gone now, but the nerve pain is still there and its excruciating.  I have lots of meds I am taking for it, but they mostly just “take the edge off” they dont get rid of the pain/burning sensations.  I have no idea when this will totally go away for good, my doctor says it could take up to 2 months.  I sure hope not!

Anyway, thats the basic update for 2011.  God definitely showed up in all kinds of ways relative to my “one word” for 2011.

Now for my one word 2012…

It didn’t take long for me to figure out my word for 2o12. But it did take me a while to say it out loud.  This is the scariest word for me.  This is the word I’ve been avoiding pretty much my entire life.  This is also the word that has the power to transform me in ways that are LONG overdue.  Yet simultaneously, this word is essential to our survival in 2012.

My One Word for 2012 is: DISCIPLINE

I’ve paid A LOOOOOOTTTTT of lip service to discipline in the past.  This time its legit.  I am asking God to teach me everything there is to learn about discipline.  I am ready to reorder my life and do whatever it takes to allow discipline to do its work in me.  I have resisted discipline for far too long.  Its time to face the music and get this show on the road.

As I did last year, I’ve been tuning into Passion 2012 online via the live stream. Ive already been so moved by the teaching and the themes there. But the message that the Holy Spirit keeps pounding in my heart is that this year the work and the action and the change that God wants from me is internal.  This is SO hard for me to admit, because alot of the talks are challenging us to DO SOMETHING about the unthinkable injustice of human slavery in our world today.  Usually I hear messages like that and the activator in me immediately starts dreaming of leading a group to action on some level or in some other way jumping into the action.  And this is an issue that makes me want to jump to my feet and rush to help.  Yet the Lord is saying to me NO, the action and the change and the transformation and the leading I want from you is INTERNAL. And DISCIPLINE will be the fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in me this year.

So I invite you to hold me accountable! Ask me how its going and if you don’t see alot of blog posts going up ASK ME WHY because keeping up with the writing here is part of the discipline that I need to follow/act on this year.

So there you have it.  Courage carried me through 2011 and Discipline will, Lord willing, work out some long over-due things in me in 2012.  Its going to be a TOUGH year.  But I just had this thought…

If courage carried me through last year, and discipline refines me and secures my foundation this year, what in the world could God have instore for 2013???

I am positive it will be immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine…

I will sadly not be cooking this myself this year, with a 6 week old baby I had to let go of the privilege of cooking the Thanksgiving turkey for my urban family this year. However, this year’s hostess is planning to use this recipe so all is not lost and we can all bet on a tasty delicious turkey!

Here is the recipe, originally posted in November 2009. You will soon learn how to brine a turkey, secrets to getting a great gravy and how to keep it moist. I know alot of folks are cutting up their turkey before cooking it this year. Try this brine before you do that, I promise you will never be in want of a great turkey recipe again!

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My first year of marriage, I cooked my first Thanksgiving Feast! My husband and my brother-in-law Brett were my culinary advisers as I set out to single-handedly cook the entire Thanksgiving meal.

On a whim, I discovered the secret to Thanksgiving Turkey success. I was google searching turkey tricks and techniques when I came across a turkey recipe from none other than… LEGAL SEAFOODS. Thats right. A Seafood Restaurant, which happened to be my husband’s employer all through college, has a turkey recipe. This I had to try. And boy am I glad that I did.

I had never heard of brining a turkey until I found this recipe. Basically you soak the bird in a bucket of apple cider and spicy goodness for 24-48 hours, then you cook it upside down until the very end to ensure all the good fat drips through the breast. Ive never made this recipe with the sausage stuffing that goes with it but this year I will!

If you are looking for a fool-proof way to cook a turkey, try this brine. I promise you will love it. The hardest part is making room for the bucket of turkey in the fridge!

Brined Turkey and Sausage Stuffing

Recipe by Rich Vellante, Executive Chef

Many people have similar comments and complaints about the Thanksgiving turkey…”Its really dry!” they lament. To alleviate that problem, we suggest three techniques:

1. Don’t stuff the turkey. Stuffing draws out moisture from the bird, making the meat dry. Try cooking your stuffing separately in a casserole dish.
2. Baste constantly with pan juices.
3. Brine the turkey before cooking. This step, similar to marinating, will add great flavor and tenderness while helping the bird to retain moisture.

Remember, a turkey will cook faster when not stuffed. And, when checking the temperature of the turkey, place an instant-read thermometer in the leg meat.

Follow these instructions for a delicious Brined Turkey with Sausage Stuffing. Take your time with each step, and read through the entire procedure before you begin. Relax — it’s simpler than it looks!

*You will need two 13-gallon plastic bags and one very large (16-quart) bowl that will fit in the fridge.

*Plan to get started a day ahead, because the turkey should be brined for 18 to 20 hours

Turkey Brine Ingredients:
1 gallon apple cider
3 quarts water
1 cup salt
¾ cup sugar
2 whole cloves
1 tbsp peppercorns
2 bay leaves
2 small dried chili peppers
2 tablespoons dried thyme
5 allspice berries
4 cloves garlic

Combine all ingredients in a large pot or bowl and stir well till sugar and salt are dissolved. Set aside.

Procedure:
1. Double-line a very large (about 16-quart) bowl with two 13-gallon plastic bags, opening one inside the other and draping excess plastic down around the sides of the bowl.
2. Rinse your turkey (8 – 10 pounds) inside and out, then place turkey in the prepared plastic-lined bowl.
3. Pour brine mixture over and around turkey.
4. Carefully draw up and gather tops of bags together, eliminating air spaces above brining liquid. Make sure to seal bags with twist-ties or clips.
5. Refrigerate turkey in brine for 18 to 20 hours.

Roast Turkey
Ingredients:
1 brined turkey (8-10 pounds)
3 tbsp. olive oil
¼ cup chopped sage
ground pepper to taste.
(No need for salt as turkey is pre-brined)

Procedure:
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees (if you can, turn fan to low setting). Set rack
at lowest position.
2. Remove turkey from brine. Discard brine, draining turkey very well
and patting dry inside and out.
3. Rub turkey breast with oil, sage and peppe.r Tuck wing tips under; tie
legs together loosely to hold shape.
4. Place turkey on a shallow rack in a hotel pan or roasting pan deep enough
to hold drippings.
5. Begin roasting. Then baste! baste! baste! baste! baste! every 20 minutes.
Stop basting only for the final 20 minutes of cooking. If the turkey gets too brown too quickly, cover loosely with aluminum foil.
6. Cook for 2 to 2-1/2 hours or until internal temperature registers 160 degrees.
7. Remove turkey to a carving board and let rest about 15 minutes.
8. Meanwhile, pour off accumulated fat from roasting pan. Deglaze with white wine and add those fortified drippings to the gravy for more flavor.

Sausage Stuffing

Ingredients:
2 lbs. sausage (casing removed)
2 ounces olive oil
2 cups minced onions
2 tbsp. chopped garlic
2 tsp. finely chopped ginger
1 cup chopped scallions
14 cups bread crumbs
1 cup chopped parsley
salt and pepper to taste

Procedure:
1. Heat the olive oil in a large sauté pan. Add onions and cook slowly till soft (6 minutes)
2. Add sausage and cook till lightly browned, breaking up meat and stirring constantly.
3. Add garlic and ginger
4. Slowly incorporate bread crumbs and scallions, mixing all ingredients well
5. Finally, add salt, pepper and parsley

This can be made in advance and refrigerated overnight.
Cook stuffing separately from turkey in a buttered hotel pan for about 45 minutes.

I was working and living on Capitol Hill on September 11, 2001.  The anniversary of this absolute catastrophe is loaded with significance and meaning for me. In 2008, I wrote a series about my experiences on September 11 and the days following.  You can read those posts by clicking here.

This was a life defining time in multiple ways, including opportunity after opportunity to take the road less traveled, or in the words of one of my favorite literary quotes: “”Dark and difficult times lie ahead, soon we must all face the choice, between what is right and what is easy.”

The implications of that day have touched all the major areas of my personal life… my relationship with God, my career, my sense of well being, my tendency to over-react, my decision to continue living in this area, and so much more.

I am one of the lucky ones who did not experience loss of life or a loved one.  For that I am eternally thankful.  Yet at the same time, it was in my destiny to have somewhat of a front row seat to this tragedy… to have experienced it with all 5 senses, beyond what you could watch on TV.  And I can say with conviction that, having had these experiences has shaped and molded my life in a unique way, for better or worse, I am thankful for how these experiences have shaped my life.  I remain heartbroken and devastated  over what happened to the country I love and the thousands of people who experienced death and loss like I may never know.  I still hear the words of my former boss on Capitol Hill saying “Its not IF we will be attacked again, but WHEN” and I still get nervous at night when I hear fighter jets circling practice drills over my condo a few miles from Langley.

But no matter the level of sensory experience you endured 10 years ago today, if you are an American you are a part of this story.  This attack happened to all of us.  The realities of the heart and the hate behind our attacker’s actions are as real today as on September 10, 2001.

So let us continually lift our eyes and pray for peace… in our country, in Jerusalem, for Israel and her neighbors, and the world.

I really don’t mean for this post to sound so hippy.  My heart in this is just to say that I believe God is paying attention and I want to have oil in my lamp when the next hammer falls.

#3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

I am almost 35 weeks pregnant according to my “dates” but I think the time of arrival is sooner than the dates would agree. I feel like there is SO MUCH YET TO DO and I feel overwhelmed. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I still have some unanswered questions looming and a few odds and ends to secure. But really, the truth is that we are never really as ready as we want to be or think we are. When God is ready for LucyKate to join us on this side of the womb, she will join us, despite our best or worst efforts to plan and prepare for her arrival.

Today I landed on a website that I just love. Its called “Life to Her Years” and its advice from a dad to other dads of daughters. I never got to know my birth father. My grandpa was an AWESOME father figure for me in my childhood years and loved me like his own daughter, and I was blessed with a loving step-dad when I was 11, just in time for the crazy teen years, someone give this man a medal!

But, looking at these pics and reading this man’s advice makes me teary. While I will always wish I had experienced this kind of love and affection from a flesh and blood birth father, I am so very thankful that I will get to witness my own daughter experiencing this kind of love and affection from my husband.

Thank you Lord for an amazing husband and daddy to be for my LK.

#131: Encourage Her Inner Rock Star. Then again, she may not need any help in this area

Check out this link, and have a tissue handy.

Life to Her Years

Husband wanted something really feminine, pretty and more on the modern side.  I wanted something traditional, southern and more on the classic side.  So as we processed through our respective lists we rarely found ourselves in agreement about any of the names.  So we decided to stop thinking about it for a while.  This was around March/April of this year.  We revisited the name game occasionally, we narrowed down the list, and even thought we made a decision once or twice, but in the end we (I) just couldn’t commit.

If you read this blog often, you know we are prayin folks, and we prayed NIGHT AND DAY (I am not kidding) about what this child’s name should be.  We said to God over and over “You know what this child’s name is, why don’t you tell us what it is!!”  I still don’t know why he waited, but the good news is that he did finally answer us and we are so excited to know beyond a shadow of doubt that we have chosen the best name for our baby girl.

Last weekend, I read through one of those 1,000,000,000,000,000 name baby name books.  Yes, I read ALL of the girl names.  I studied that book like I was studying to graduate from college.  We made new lists, some new options and the old ones we have liked all along.  We discussed the meaning of the names, and if the names carried any significance for us… all names have a meaning but not all names carry some level of significance for you personally.  Significance behind the name was probably my number one factor I needed to make a final decision.

I carried this book around with me ALL WEEKEND.  I took it on date night, it stayed with me wherever we went.  So last Friday we were driving down the road and I found a section in the book about names that were popular in other cultures and countries.  One of the names that continued to pop up on other country’s top name choices was Lucy.  Lucy has ALWAYS been one of my favorite names, but Brian wasn’t as crazy as I was about it… that is until I told him about the other versions of Lucy.  In Italy, if your name is Lucy it would be Lucia (Lew-SEE-ah, emphasis on the second syllable), as it would also be in the other romance languages.

Well, the name Lucia really did it for Brian.  He loved it, and I loved it too since it was a form of Lucy.  So as we discussed Lucia, Brian just randomly said out loud “Lucia Kathryn Walters” to which I exclaimed “We could call her LucyKate!!!!”  And a name was born, or at least the idea for the name was born.  We spent the following week thinking and praying and pondering and asking her if she liked it (kick once for yes and twice for no, however she did not cooperate).   Then  for a number of random reasons, yesterday we decided to go on and make it official.  Here are the reasons:

1. Brian LOVES Lucia and I LOVE Lucy so we get the best of both worlds.

2. Lucia/Lucy means light, and light was MY first word as a baby (after the mama dada stuff).  Learning this meant a great deal to me and really hit my need to find significance in the name.

3. Brian loves the name Kate (it had always been on the short list) and I love the name Kathryn.  Again, we get the best of both worlds.

4. Kathryn is a family name, Brian’s first cousin is named Kathryn and now that there are two Kathryn Walters we hereby declare that Kathryn is a family name!

5. Kathryn and Lucy both carry the old-school classic feel I love while Lucia and Kate both carry the more modern feel Brian loves.

6. Kathryn means Pure.  Lucia means Light.  So our baby girl’s name means Pure Light.  I LOVE THIS!

7. LucyKate is the cutest little southern girl name ever.  I am very proud to be carrying on the double name tradition with my daughter.  And when she gets older if she wants to go by something other than LucyKate, well she has several options to choose from!

8.  I googled Lucia Kathryn Walters and according to the interwebs NO ONE ELSE HAS THIS NAME.  Again, this carried a TON of significance for me.  I am proud of my own random name, and proud to be the only AnnieLaurie Walters I can find online, so I am glad that my girl will also have a unique and distinct name.

9. As I mentioned before, Lucia is the Italian version of Lucy.  We went to Italy last fall as our last big vacation on our own before starting a family and we loved it!  In fact I loved it so much I continually tell Brian that I want to move there some day! So having an Italian element to her name is special to us because of our time we spent in Italy.

10. The final point on how we chose our baby’s name is the most awesome, most beautiful, most significant and meaningful point of all.  Yesterday afternoon, after we sealed the deal between the two of us that this was the name and that we would set it in stone, we saw yet another miracle from the Lord.

I have mentioned before here on the blog how God has miraculously used RAINBOWS at critical times of decision in my life, to encourage me and let me know that I am following his path and that he is pleased with me.  I am always amazed when  he reveals himself to me in rainbows at exactly the right time to put my heart at ease and bring me peace.

Well, by now you have guessed it.  Yesterday afternoon as I was leaving work, a huge thunderstorm passed over the church (where I work).  It was pouring buckets and I had no umbrella so there was no way I was making it to my car.  I waited for about 45 minutes for the storm to let up.  I called my mom and talked to her while I waited and we had a really good talk about all kinds of things.  Then the rain appeared to be weakening so I let her go, and called Brian to let him know I hadn’t left yet.  I was complaining that it was still raining and he told me to go on out and not worry about getting wet that it would probably feel good since it had been so hot.  Right about that time, the sun came out, but it did not stop raining.  So I got off the phone and headed out the door.  The sun in the western sky was SO BRIGHT while the eastern sky was still dark with rain clouds.  I got to my car and it was then that I saw it.

Big and bright, this rainbow stretched from horizon to horizon right over top of our church.  It was beautiful!  As I sat in the car staring, the rainbow got brighter and brighter and then a second band began to appear outside of the bright band.  God was creating a double rainbow right before my eyes!  I got out of my car, barefoot, while it was still raining and started snapping photos with my iphone, praising and thanking God the entire time.  This is the second time he has used rainbows to affirm and encourage me during this pregnancy (I have not told you all about the first one yet, but I will soon.)

After standing in the parking lot in the rain for about 15 minutes taking pictures, I finally decided to go home, and the rainbow followed me home!  When I got home the rainbow was still right over me, it was stretching over our condo from one side to the other.  We could even see it from our balcony.

I am so thrilled and ecstatic that, in addition to all the reasons we chose this name, we got the official rainbow seal of approval from above.  We now know our little girl’s name and God was faithful to reveal it to us in his perfect timing.

So thats the story.  I know this is long, but I wanted to get it out here on the blog, as a testimony to the Lord and praise to him for answering our prayers and always going above and beyond to let us know that he is here and that he cares.

Thank you Lord!

DISCLAIMER: I am no doctor, so vet whatever I say with your own health care provider.  These are examples of what is and is not working for me, I am not saying you should do things exactly like me, so don’t unless your doctor says its ok. 

From what I have read on the Baby Center and What to Expect message boards, it seems that depending on what part of the country you live in, the advice and guidelines tend to vary. I have no idea why that is, but for the record, I am in Northern Virginia, so what I am being taught by my health care providers may look different than what you are being taught. In any event, I think that no matter where you live, we can all agree that if you are going to keep your blood sugar at healthy levels, you can’t cheat on the diet. This is step one. I say this because IT IS SO EASY TO FUDGE (no pun intended) on diets. A little taste of a cookie someone brought into work or half of your husband’s donut could spike your blood sugar in ways that you wouldn’t believe. So no cheating!!

At the same time, be sure you are eating some carbs.  I learned that if we don’t eat our recommended daily carb allotment, our livers will naturally produce more glucose and that is why sometime we see high morning (fasting) numbers.  For example, the nights I don’t eat my 1 carb “snack” after dinner, my waking/fasting numbers are ALWAYS higher. Luckily for me, they are never over 95 (the limit) but I am talking a 10-15 point difference when I do/don’t eat that one last carb serving of the day.  This is completely counter-intuitive to me, but I am learning to rethink these things now that I am equipped with more info from my dietician.

When I was first diagnosed, I stuck religiously to my eating plan. After two weeks of excellent numbers — well below the required limits — I began to “try out” some carbs I would have otherwise avoided, but still staying within my recommended daily allotment of carb choices. I found that the white flour/refined sugar carbs KILL ME. One Panera Bagel spiked my blood sugar to 148! That was my highest reading ever. I also found out that lemonade is bad for me, luckily I only had a 2 point overage after 2 glasses of lemonade with dinner, but now I know I just cant do fruit juices of any kind or white flour foods.

I was pleased to discover that my blood sugar doesn’t mind frozen yogurt, and I don’t mean TCBY (is that even still around?) but REAL frozen yogurt like Pinkberry and Red Mango. Both are all natural and I found that I could enjoy a small size serving with limited fresh fruit toppings and still remain below my blood sugar limits. This discovery has been so wonderful for me to have a healthy way to satisfy my sweet tooth. And I mean, the whole Pinkberry brand is so fun, visit their website and make sure your sound is on, their little song is the bomb! http://www.pinkberry.com/

The bottom line is, after you stick to plan for a while and if your numbers are staying low, its ok to try other things and see how they work for you as long as you are staying within your daily carb limits.  You may find frozen yogurt to be your blood’s worst nightmare, but bagels don’t bother you at all.  You may also find that eating the “white” carbs at certain times of day react differently with your blood sugar. Every body is different, so get to know yours.  This is one of the small benefits of taking your blood all day, you really do get a sense for what your body will accept and reject.  I told my husband I wish they had a similar personal blood test device for him to check his cholesterol!

Another big tip I got from my dietician was to exercise after eating a big meal.  For example, if I were to eat some pasta or chicken pot pie for dinner, that I should walk right after dinner and before testing my blood sugar, the numbers will go down because you will burn up some of the glucose through the exercise.  I have been doing this and seen good results from it.  I used to be a morning exerciser, but now I am an after dinner exerciser because I need more help with the sugar after dinner.  This was a huge discovery I made about how my body works, and I will likely continue this practice beyond pregnancy.

I have also found that eating protein with my carb choices helps level things out.  One of the biggest things I am learning through all of this is BALANCE.  I used to make dinner for us and skip the salad.  Now I strive to never skip the salad because the balance of nutrients in my body impacts how my body processes the carbs/sugars.  As I plan out my daily meals and snacks my priority is balance between carbs/protein/greens rather than focusing only on calories.

This is the first time in my life I have been on a “diet” for a reason other than to lose weight.  My new approach to eating has nothing to do with weight loss or how I look.  It has to do strictly with health benefits, first to my child and second to me. This change of mindset has been revolutionary for me.

I am a classic yo-yo dieter and I have always had a love/hate; up/down relationship with my scale.  The clothes in my closet range from size 6 to 16! In the past I have tried everything from the fad “grapefruit diets” and the more established Weight Watchers and South Beach diets. Even though the WW and SB diets do encourage you to eat a balanced meal, I always ignored all that. I focused on points only or limiting carbs only, I didn’t try to eat balanced meals at all. But now, I am starting to see proof of how important balance in my food choices can be to how my body processes the foods I consume.  Maybe because now I can actually test and see my blood sugar real time and have a better understanding of how out of balance my eating had become.

“Calories in Calories out” was a motto of mine, so I foolishly went about my days thinking “Well, I burned 600 calories on the elliptical today at the gym, so that should cancel out the 600 calories I will eat in pizza.” My body just doesn’t operate on that math.  To maintain healthy weight and blood sugar I need balance between all of these things: nutrients, physical activity, rest… all of it.

So when I talk about Gestational Diabetes, I strive to think and talk holistically and long-term, continuing to choose to look at this as a blessing in disguise, and taking advantage of these new resources I wouldn’t have otherwise had access to, and learn more about how my body works and reacts to the types and amounts of food I eat.

Even though it sucks to have to go through this, I am glad I am learning these new things now (before life gets really crazy) so that I can teach my daughter healthy habits and hopefully she wont have to re-learn how to eat later in life because she watched me follow unhealthy patterns.  I am doing this for both of us, for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy life.

Before you say I am making a big deal out of something a lot of people get (18% of pregnant women), let me just say that it *IS* a big deal and can cause serious complications for mom and baby. What isn’t a big deal, honestly, is WHY I, or any of my fellow moms to be, got this diagnosis.

When I first found out, I cried.  Living in a country where Type 2 diabetes is on the rise, I felt like this diagnosis was MY fault and evidence of something I did wrong.  I felt like I was already a terrible mother for putting my baby at risk. Then I went to school and learned the truth.

Facts I learned about Gestational Diabetes
I went to a 4 hour session at the hospital where I will deliver to learn what all of this new information means for me. I learned that it is not my fault that I got this diagnosis, that women’s hormones and bodies during pregnancy can get out of wack and that wonderfully complex and mysterious (temporary) organ (the placenta) has a HUGE implications on how our bodies process all kinds of hormones, including insulin. The placenta produces more glucose during pregnancy so no matter what you eat, your blood sugar can be elevated just because of how your body is producing and handling naturally occurring glucose and insulin.  Additionally, 96% of women diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes see it go away after the baby is delivered.

I also learned that, because of this diagnosis, I am at a higher risk for developing Type 2 diabetes.  When I pressed for more info I found out that that risk is based on statistics gathered from women who had GD and later developed Type 2; however these statistics are not based on factors outside of the women’s control (like a placenta jacking up your hormones) and don’t take into account how well the women surveyed took care of themselves after pregnancy. Bottom line: if you have GD and don’t continue eating healthy and exercising after your pregnancy, you may get Type 2.  I submit that you may get Type 2 no matter if you had GD or not — its primarily the lifestyle choices that determine that, its not always due to an internal body response that you can’t control.

That said, while it is relieving to know that I did not CAUSE my Gestational Diabetes, it is at the same time a WAKE UP CALL to maintain a healthy lifestyle for my own health, and my family’s health, post-pregnancy.

How has gestational diabetes impacted my day-to-day life?
The biggest impact is the added chore of taking blood and testing it 4 times a day. Remembering to do it is a challenge, as is fitting it into an already packed schedule. I have not enjoyed stepping out of meetings to check my blood, thankfully my colleagues have been understanding, but its still uncomfortable and kind of embarrassing.  Its also a challenge to eat 6 small meals a day – as recommended by my dietitian.  Meal planning takes more time, because I need new recipes and have to do more prep-work to ensure my food is ready to “grab and go” during the busy work week.  Not to mention the added expense of test strips that go for $1 and strip (remember I have to use 4 a day!).  Thank God for good insurance coverage!

In some ways, Gestational Diabetes has also *improved* my life
Now that I am serious about eating healthy for life, I have discovered many new foods and recipes I enjoy that are good for me! I am establishing healthy habits now that will help me tremendously post pregnancy. From testing my blood sugar daily, I now know which foods really spike my glucose and ones that don’t (no more Panera bagels for me!). I am also VERY happy to report that I am successfully controlling my blood sugar levels with diet and exercise. I have only been above my required limits twice in two weeks — which is not bad when you consider I test 4 times a day every day. That is great and exciting news to me!! And my doctor!! In fact the large majority of my numbers are BELOW 100!! The waking/fasting limit is 95 and the other 3 tests during the day limits at 120. So I feel really good about how things are going.

Dispelling the Myths about Pregnancy Diabetes
The other good news is that many of the assumptions, dare I say rumors, about gestational diabetes are not all true. Just because you have gestational diabetes DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN you will have a big baby, not be able to deliver naturally, that your baby will have diabetes, and more. If you can’t get your blood sugar under control, those things CAN happen, but just because you have GD doesn’t necessarily mean that any of those things will happen to you. I have heard some stories of women who are automatically scheduled for a C section JUST BECAUSE they were diagnosed with GD. I am here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way and I am thankful I have a doctor who is encouraging and supporting me as I strive to do all within my power to keep this diagnosis under control.

So while my reality is having to deal with this unexpected and unwanted curve the road, I am feeling blessed and empowered knowing that I can control it with my food choices and exercising.  I also know that this is not my fault and that I am in very good company with other moms who have successfully navigated this challenge.

I have noticed a lack of resources online, especially real life stories and blogs from other women who have dealt with this.  So I am going to post a few more blogs about what I am learning, how I am dealing, and most importantly food ideas and menus that work for me.  I am all about sharing the love and helping other pregnant women get through this because we are ALL in it together!

As I was brainstorming ideas for this baby shower, I asked the mom-to-be if she had any particular food cravings during her pregnancy.  One of my great friends, and nationally recognized party planning diva Mrs. Patra, once threw a cravings shower, and I always wanted to throw one of my own.  So when I learned that Amanda was craving anything fruity and icy I had to turn up the creativity a few notches, especially since I was giving her shower during a July heat wave in Washington, DC!

The shower was to be on a Sunday afternoon in July, around 2:00 pm.  I didnt want to do anything too hot or heavy, or a full-on meal since the time was shortly after lunch, so I searched the interwebs (and Pinterest, my new favorite social network) for fruity and icy desserts.  And the interwebs led me to an idea I had never heard of but desperately wanted to try: Granita.

Granita is basically Italian Ice or as we call it in my hometown “sno-cones” but without the cone.  Now dont let Snoopy or Bed, Bath and Beyond fool you, it is unnecessary to buy a specialty device to make your Granita, Italian Ice, Sno-Cone or other equally delicious icy treat.  You can do it all with a few simple ingredients: fruit, sugar, water, a pyrex or cake pan, and a freezer. The main tools you will use for this dessert are a wooden spoon, a fine mesh strainer or sieve, and some kind of blender or food processor.  If you don’t have a blender or food processor, invest in a 2-cup food processor by Kitchen-Aid or Cuisinart.  They are small, easy to store and affordable.  You will not be disappointed in this investment.

How to make home made Granitas, Italian Ice, Sno-Cone or other Icy Treat

First select your flavor (what’s yo flava?): The options are only limited by your imagination.  Basically whatever you can juice or liquify you can use as a flavor.  For the baby shower, I used strawberry, blueberry, lemon and lime.

Then juice or liquify your flavor: As I said before, if you dont have a means to blend, juice or otherwise liquify, go get you a mini-food processor, or even a magic bullet which has a variety of wonderful uses. If money is tight, you can use a potato masher or the end of your wooden spoon to get the “juice” out of a berry.  It will take a while but its possible.  Otherwise, dont use berries, go for something you can squeeze such as the citrus variety.

Next, get your sieve on:  Sieve, cheese cloth, fine mesh strainer, whatever you like to use or call it, get some kind of straining device with tiny little holes so you can strain the juice out of the pulp that is inevitably left behind when juicing.  Technically speaking, you dont HAVE to do this, but I prefer to get all the seeds and pulpy chunks out of my icy treat.

Make Simple syrup and add to the juice:  At some point after you choose your flavor and before you complete the sieving process, go on and pop a few cups of water in the microwave for about 5-7 minutes (depending on how much juice you are using).  You basically want 2 parts juice 1 part simple syrup, to taste.  Some like it less sweet while others like their syrup with just a dash of juice.  The ratios are up to you, they wont effect the outcome in terms of texture, only taste. After your water is hot, mix in sugar.  I typically do a 2:1 ratio of water and sugar for my simple syrup.  I am also from the deep south, where our body-water content is 50% sweet tea.  So if you like it less sweet knock yourself out.  I dont think 2:1 is TOO sweet I think its the perfect ratio for home made granita.  But if you are worried about the sugar content, I recommend you make the syrup 2:1 like I describe here, then when you add it to the juice, just add half of the simple sugar then taste it.  If its sweet enough, add just plan water for the other half, if its not sweet enough keep adding the simple syrup to taste and supplement the deficit with regular water.

Mix it Up: By now you should have your juice and your simple syrup ready to combine.  You can either use a mixing bowl OR if you are like me and dont like alot of extra dishes you can just add both the juice and simple syrup to the container you will use to freeze the mixture.  I used both a glass pyrex and a tin cake pan (both 9×13) they both work fine.  The idea is to freeze the mixture in something shallow.  I think you could probably freeze the mix in something deeper, but it will take longer and may not produce the right consistency.  If you try it let me know how it worked out for you.

Secret Ingredient:  At this point, before I freeze, I taste the mix to see if there is “anything missing.”  If I am doing a berry or a melon flavored granita, I may add the juice of one lime or one lemon, just to give it that something “extra.”  Obviously if you are doing a citrus granita you wont want to add anything to it. But you might.  I saw some recipes that intentionally mix a citrus and a berry to produce interesting blends. I say get creative!  The point of this step is to check that you like the flavor before you go to freeze.

Freezing Process:  Here is the hardest part of the whole granita making adventure.  Find a way to get your pan/dish of liquid into your freezer without spilling it.  Freezers come in all shapes and sizes, so you will have to prepare a place for your granita based on your own freezing conditions.  Make sure your granita is secure and wont slip or tump over in your freezer as that would be a big mess.  Once your dish/pan is secure in your freezer, let it sit there for 45 minutes – 1 hour.  Once its starts to get a nice freeze going, but before its frozen solid, get your wooden spoon and break up what has started to freeze and stir it around a good bit.  You will see its kind of chunky/slushy.  This is good, this is what you want.  Now shut the freezer and let it sit another 30 minutes or so.  Then repeat the process with the spoon, breaking up the icy stuff and mixing it around.  After about 2-3 hours of this, you will have a great texture and “shaved ice” consistency.  At this point, the granita is ready.  Now its up to you if you want to eat it now or save it.  If you want to eat it now, dig in, garnish ideas to follow.  If you want to save it, get some gallon size sip-lock plastic bags and transfer the granita to the zip lock.  If you are making multiple granitas, LABEL the zip lock bag before you transfer the granita, as lemon and lime, blueberry and blackberry, strawberry and watermelon, look a lot alike!  Once the transfer is complete, press down to get the air out and zip it.  Preferably, lay it flat in your freezer.  If you can’t lay it flat, do your best.  When you are ready to eat it take it out and thaw it for 10-20 minutes, depending on the volume of granita in the bag.

Garnish:  At the baby shower, we garnished the Granita with fresh fruit and cool whip.  This worked wonderfully.  We had diced pineapple, strawberries and fresh blueberries topped with a dollop of cool whip.  I  must say, the cool whip is the best part

And that is how you make homemade Granita, Italian Ice, Sno-Cones.  As by now you can see, the options are limitless and I hope that you will try your own flavor combinations and share them here with me.

Back to the baby shower. I decided on a “Make Your Own Granita Bar” and I served my Granitas in quart sized tin buckets with scoops.  People mixed the different flavors together with cool whip and their favorite fruit garnish.  The tin buckets actually kept the Granitas cold and after 2 hours, there was some melt, but still icy enough to go back for seconds (or thirds!). The guests at the baby shower enjoyed the Granitas. In fact, I probably could have just done the Grantia Bar and skipped any additional food, given the time of day and the HEAT!

In terms of table display, I got the tins at Party Depot, the wooden crates and baby blocks at Michaels, and the scoops at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I got made the placecards myself on my home computer/printer. Granita’s were served in small, clear, plastic “cocktail cups” I bought at Party City. Table cloth and balloons provided by my beautiful and talented co-hostess Melissa. This was by far the most creative and fun idea I have ever had for a party. I may have out done myself, I am not sure I will ever top the Granita Bar!

If you were doing this for a children’s party, like a birthday party or even a graduation party, you could serve Granita with ice cream too, let guests mix it up.  It would also be fun for kids to have cotton candy or pop rocks as a garnish.  You can find both at party stores.

If you were doing this for a bridal shower, bachelorette party or some other adult function, you may want to add some kind of cordial or alcohol.  I could definitely see some tequila, grand mariner, vodka, peach schnapps, or any of the “Pucker” variety of flavors added to the mix before freezing or offered as a “garnish” but no more than 1 or 2 oz. per serving if using as a garnish.  I could even see some Prosecco or Champagne  added to a Granita.  If you were trying to be fancy you could serve in martini glasses or champagne glasses, you could rim the glasses in sugar or salt or even a combo of sugar or salt and some citrus zest.  Seriously unending options here.  However, if you do a lime granita with some tequila, it will just seem like a frozen margarita, which to me would not be a bad thing, but may not pull off the “awe” factor of using more thoughtful ingredients.

Dear Southern Living: Please put my idea in your magazine! I am sure that your readers would love to try an idea like this one on a hot southern summer day or night! Look how happy I am eating my homemade Granita. It was easy, fun and impressive. I will be awaiting your call.

Women carry their babies for basically a year.  The average human gestation time is 40 weeks and the majority of first time pregnancies do not deliver until 41 and 1/2 weeks. That’s essentially 10 weeks shy of a year (52 weeks).  I’ve also learned some theories about the “4th Trimester” that the first 3 months of a newborn’s life can be viewed as an extension of the gestation process based largely on brain development and the degree to which human newborns depend on the mother to survive as compared to other warm-blooded mammals.

I am 24 weeks pregnant right now.  I am in my 6th month.  I became pregnant in January 2011 and will (Lord Willing) deliver my baby in October 2011.  Feels like a year to me, so I am rounding up.

I have had a relatively easy pregnancy.  I didn’t get very sick, I just had massive food aversions – especially to chicken.  My only complaint is not sleeping well, which I am often told “get used to it” which doesn’t really make me feel better, only points out the harsh realities of the inevitable.

All in all, I have had a good experience being pregnant.  I am not one of those who LOVES being pregnant, but I have also not had my head in a toilet for the last 24 weeks so I am counting my blessings. I also enjoy feeling the kid move around. Its really amazing and fun, until she starts having a dance party on my bladder in the middle of the night.

My only regret is that I didn’t try to lose more weight before getting pregnant.  Another myth I believed, that since I was “trying” to get pregnant, it didn’t really matter what I ate and if I was over-weight before getting pregnant because I was just going to get fat with the baby.  What I didn’t realize then was how important nutrition is to the baby’s development, that pregnancy isn’t a license to eat whatever you want with abandon without significant consequence now and after birth, and that I would look like I was giving birth to triplets at the half way mark.

We have been busy getting ready to bring baby home to our 760 square foot one bedroom apartment.  This has taken some creativity and strategic thinking on our part.  But it has been so much fun to do together.  Before I was pregnant, a part of me was sad that I would not get to decorate a nursery.  I know how superficial that sounds, I am just being honest. I obviously got over it.  But what I didn’t know then was how much FUN it would be to redecorate our entire apartment! We have spent the last year cleaning out, downsizing furniture, selling things on Craigslist, and buying new, smaller furniture to make room for things like cribs, high chairs and play-pens. Once we have the entire re-do of the place complete, I will do a blog just on the transformation of our apartment. We have enjoyed doing all these little projects together and have spaced them out over the course of the year so we are not stressed out about getting things ready at the last minute.

The other myth I told myself was that I would still be able to do all the same things that I normally do. It has been challenging to keep up my normal pace of activities with a baby on board. I was tasked with a project at work that has had me working alot more hours this month and this has exhausted me to a degree I didn’t think was possible.  Again, the moms of the world laugh at my exhaustion and say “wait for it… wait for it… you know nothing of exhaustion grasshopper!” I am not complaining about the being tired all. the. time. part, I am just saying I was/am really surprised at just how tired I am. So tired that its been nearly two months since my last blog

There is much more I would like to write about concerning the last several months, but I will save those thoughts for another post.  I just wanted to get some of these myths off my chest and confess my own ignorance regarding the miracle of gestation. I am learning so much, and I am SO thankful for the 41 and 1/2 weeks the good Lord has given me to get my own heart and mind ready for what is coming.